What I was thinking when I promised I’d wait for Gatsby

What I was thinking when I promised I’d wait for Gatsby

          I was thinking that I loved him. Which I did. I loved him so deeply and beautifully I thought it could be preserved forever. However, I couldn’t stand the idea of not having someone tangibly loving me at all times so I decided to marry Tom.

I was thinking that Gatsby loved me too and how much he wanted me to wait for him. I knew he loved me too. I loved the thought of how much our relationship could grow without seeing each other for a long period of time. But it also scared me how much it quickly it could fade away.  I wanted to know that my partner was there loving me all of the time. Also Tom lived life of luxury which unfortunately attracts me very easily.
          I was thinking that I could handle being away from him, which I obviously couldn’t. I needed someone to fill that empty void. I knew I couldn’t wait long enough for him so Tom was the obvious choice at the time.

Maybe I wasn’t thinking at all actually. I should have known I couldn’t wait and that I needed someone there for me. I still do feel guilty for giving him hope that we could be together.