Why I was happy to see Gatsby again

Why I was happy to see Gatsby again

            I know it was my decisions to leave him but I did regret that every so often. I loved Gatsby so much. And he loved me too, more than I think anyone has ever loved anyone before. He loved me so unconditionally and beautifully. We were the perfect love story until Tom showed up. I don’t always regret my decision to marry Tom. He was the one who could sustain me finically and provide me with luxuries and palpable reassurance that he loved me even though his actions occasionally proved otherwise.

I do feel a pang o regret and sadness when I think of the fact that I’m not with Jay. I have an unhealthy addiction to wealth and reassurance that I’m loved and at the time, Tom could provide me with both while Jay provided me with neither.

When I saw him again, all of these old feelings came flooding back. We had the best time and I couldn’t help but wish I felt that that my entire life instead of only for one night. Jay always understood me better than anyone had ever understood me, he understood me better than I understood myself at times. But I had already made my decision to be with Tom.

At first our encounter was awkward, it soon felt like old times, laughing and talking and simply enjoying one another. I was very happy to see him again. I was trying not to feel too much in fear that I would begin to hate myself for not waiting.

I’m happy I got to see him again. I missed him and every so often I do wish we ended up together. I know he still cares for me which makes me feel a twinge of guilt. I don’t know if marrying Tom was the right or wrong decision. But sometimes I think that if I even have to question whether or not I love someone more than my own husband, is my love for Tom really valid?